In our homes, we all have it: The Empty Chair. At first, that chair is a sacred space. It holds the memory of the man who sat there for forty, fifty, or sixty years. It represents a lifetime of shared meals, late-night talks, and a love that defined who we were. But as the years go by, something subtle and heavy begins to happen. If that chair stays empty for too long, it stops being a place of honor and starts becoming a stopping point.
For many, the empty chair evolves from a memorial into baggage. It becomes a burden that feels too difficult to fill, yet too painful to move.
The Weight of the “Strong Black Woman”
As Black women, we carry an extra layer of expectation. Society expects us to be the “Strong Woman”—the one who holds the family together, the one who carries the grief with a quiet, dignified strength, and the one who remains the “forever widow” as a sign of respect.
There is an unspoken pressure to keep that chair empty as a badge of loyalty. But I’m here to tell you that strength isn’t found in staying stuck.
A Stopping Point or a Starting Gate?
When the empty chair becomes a burden, it begins to dictate your life. It keeps you from the theater, it keeps you from traveling, and it keeps you from the vibrant companionship you still deserve. You might feel that:
- Filling the chair is a betrayal.
- Leaving the chair empty is your duty.
- The chair has become so heavy with “what was” that there is no room for “what could be.”
Flipping the Narrative
In my 40 years as a Fraud Investigator, I learned to look at things for what they really are. In my life as a widow, I had to learn to do the same with my grief.
That chair doesn’t have to stay empty to honor your husband. And it doesn’t have to stay empty to prove your strength to society. You can choose to move that baggage. You can choose to invite a “New Guest” into your life—someone who respects the history of that chair but wants to see you smile in the one next to it.
Your life is not a museum. It is a living, breathing story that is still being written. Don’t let an empty chair be the final period on your last chapter.
Reflection Question for You:
Is your empty chair a place of comfort, or has it become a hurdle you’re afraid to jump over?
If you are ready to lighten the load and see what’s waiting for you outside that room, let’s talk. You’ve carried the weight long enough. It’s time to Flip Fabulously.more recently with desktop publishing software like Aldus PageMaker including versions of Lorem Ipsum.